Lana Vaughan

Are you a good friend?

February 7, 2012 in Questions, Relation Ships with 0 Comments

This may seem like a no brainer. You may quickly think, “Of course I am”.

But are you really?

Do you call your friends to talk or to listen?

Do you trust them with what matters to your heart?

Do you let them help you with the big stuff?

Can they tell you the truth? No, really tell you the truth?

Can people trust you with their heart?

On my worst day can you still

see the best in me?

When you hurt my feelings does it

break your heart?

Social media has taken the

meaning out of the word friend.

It’s turned it into a tally mark in a

cyber popularity contest.

I found this poem today and thought it was worth sharing.

A True Friend

A true friend is the one who picks you up when you fall

A true friend is one that won’t lie

A true friend is there when you call

A true friend is there when you want to die

A true friend knows just what to say

A true friend won’t care what other people think

A true friend will help you find your way

A true friend will make sure you don’t sink

A true friend will help you choose your path

A true friend will know when something is wrong

A true friend has to sometimes face your wrath

A true friend makes you feel like you belong

A true friend

by Ashley Reese

So take a long look in the mirror. Are you a good friend?

When was the last time you had your eyes checked?

January 23, 2012 in Questions, Relation Ships with 0 Comments

The past week I have been reading a book that has given me new insight and hopefully new “out-sight” as well. I read a lot. Most of my life I have wondered about people who don’t read or who read very little. There seems to be a major shift in the whole area of reading over the past 10 years or so. The advent of electronic media has bolstered distribution and made both writing and reading much more convenient. Just the fact that you are able to read what I’ve written this morning at your leisure on whatever device you selected is a luxury writers and readers have never had to the extent we do now.

But for all our reading and knowledge and insight I wonder if we have forgotten how to really see the world around us and the people in our little part of that ever-changing familiar.

If I were to ask you what color the car parked in front of your neighbor’s house this morning is would you know? If I were to ask you the make of the car you parked next to at work or school this morning, would you know?

Can you tell me how tall your regular mailman is? Age? Male or female? What time is the delivery? Would you know if it was late?

One of the most challenging parts of eye-witness accounts is how much they can vary from person to person and how much point of view changes details remembered. Even more skewing than point of view is the focus or lack of focus the observer has on what is going on around them.

I wear corrective lenses. Sometimes that takes the form of glasses. Other times contact lenses correct my vision. But at my stage in life either solution is sufficient for all my vision needs. If I am wearing my glasses I have to take them off to read. If I am wearing my contacts I have to put on reading glasses to read. Short-sighted or far-sighted. Interesting terms.

So my question today is:

How’s your vision? Are you seeing things clearly? Do you need to put on glasses to see what’s right in front of your face? Or do you need to take them off? Have you stopped looking at the world around you?

Have you stopped looking at the hearts of the people around you because you think you already see them? When was the last time you really looked someone in the eyes? Really saw the woman at church who never speaks to anyone? Looked at the face of the man on the street corner? Saw the hurt or loneliness or forgiveness or fear in the eyes in the mirror?

Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to have your eyes checked. Do you need an appointment?

Did You Miss Me?

January 5, 2012 in Questions, Relation Ships with 2 Comments

Yesterday I was fortunate to have a great friend post his story and the question of the day. He was filling in for me because my life was being disrupted.

Tuesday morning my husband woke me up just before 5 am and said he needed my help. Turns out my help was just the start of all the help he would need over the past two days. He was having a mild cardio infarction. After an angiogram and inserting a stint in one of the major arteries to his heart he is much better and home tonight snoring on the couch.

It’s probably not surprising the vast number of questions that have been running through my head the past two and a half days as we waited for test results and waited for doctors to translate test results and then waited for the actions generated by the test results to kick in before testing again so we could wait and see if it worked.

I have to say for all the negatives there may be about it, Facebook was a lifeline for me. In just a matter of moments I was able to notify some of the best prayer warriors and amazing support system. Keeping everyone updated and the flood of encouragement flowed back and forth faster than ever possible before. While I may not have been home doing whatever it is I do, I was still connected to those who love me and travel this part of my journey with me.

On the oven door of our travel trailer there is a magnet that says “I can’t miss you if you never go away.” Over the past two and a half days I realized just how incredible it is to have people who don’t go away when you walk through a valley.

In case of emergency, please call. Or have someone call. Or post it on Facebook.

Who would you miss if they went away? Who would miss you? Would you miss me?

Help Wanted

December 14, 2011 in Relation Ships with 1 Comment

In my life I have had some great and some not so great role models. My first official mentor fired me. Her replacement taught me some very valuable lessons.

One of the ones that stuck with me the most took place while we were painting an office in the church’s new building. We had just finished rolling the first coat of paint when a guy popped in and said “You missed a spot!” Now, I think he was just trying to be funny but I will never forget what my mentor did. She handed him the roller and said, “Great! Take care of it.” Then she turned to me and said, “Ready for lunch?” We came back an hour later to find he had rolled the whole office with the second coat of paint. With a genuine smile she told him, “Thanks for seeing the spot and taking care of it. I really appreciate it.” And the thing is…she did.

As the next leg of my journey gets under way I am looking for the sage who will walk the road with me pointing out the spots I miss and maybe handing me a paint roller or taking me to lunch. Over the past 5 years I have met some incredible candidates and am excited about what mentoring will look like and bring about in the coming months.

Thanks, Sharon, for the painting lesson and so much more.

Reciprocity

December 1, 2011 in Relation Ships with 0 Comments

I’m taking an online college Anthropology class and one of the main concepts being considered is the social structure of reciprocity. The text book describes three kinds, General, Balanced and Negative. All of the examples and information presented was about what might be considered primitive societies. But this morning I’m seeing just how much developed societies are dependent on these social constraints.

In other words…I’m working on my Christmas card list. I used to do my Christmas cards Labor Day weekend while watching the Jerry Lewis Telethon. For almost 30 years this was my personal tradition. I’d stay up late, watch the performers, learn about the advances in MDA research and address cards to those I wanted to reach out to in the coming months. I didn’t do my cards in September. Jerry Lewis was fired from the Telethon with no public explanation. I was set adrift with my box of cards and my address book.

The premise of General Reciprocity is that it will all even out in the end. Maybe the people I send cards to this year don’t send me one this year but people I didn’t send one to send me one unexpectedly. Kind of a general swirl of little envelopes moving around through interconnected circles spreading love and friendship via the US Postal service.

Balanced Reciprocity would be a match up of those going out and those coming in. I’m on your list and you are on mine. This is fun. I know several people on my list who buy Christmas cards in bulk or just bought one box with my name on it and send me the same card every year!

Negative Reciprocity is just what it sounds like. The flow is pretty much one way. Some businesses have adopted this as a marketing strategy. So far I have received a dozen or so cards from companies I have done business with over the past year. No real relationship there just a point of sale. This gets denser when email cards are added to the mix.

So, while I sit with my little box of simple cards with the preprinted names I examine my heart and wonder why I’m sending them. Is it so you will send one back and I will tape it to the inside of my front door and feel a sense of worth because of all the people who took the time to mail me a card? Is it because I feel like it is expected. After all I’ve done it all of my adult life. (Except last year when I misplaced the box of addressed cards on my desk and thought I had mailed them. Found them in the January cleaning.) Or is it because I want you to know, in a small tangible way that I am glad you are part of my life?

We may not be Facebook friends and we may not follow each other on Twitter or any of the other social contact outlets. But if you read my blog and you have one too, I read what you post. It matters to me. And if you find a little white envelope in your mailbox over the next couple of weeks, it’s because you are on my list…my prayer list…my “because I care” list…my “come over for cake and coffee” list…my “I wish I saw you more often” list….

No R.S.V.P. necessary. My Christmas cards have nothing to do with reciprocity. They have everything to do with my heart. And my heart’s desire for you is….

“May your gifts be those of

Peace and Happiness

Throughout the

Holidays and the New Year”

Now I’m going to refill my coffee cup and address some little white messengers of my heart.

P.S. If I don’t have your mailing address, expect a message from me.

“Thank You for….”

November 17, 2011 in Relation Ships with 2 Comments

That would be a really nice follow up from an event if I had actually attended or from a supplier if I had actually purchased anything. But when someone sends out a response and it doesn’t have an action to connect it to I’m left with the feeling that there really isn’t a connection there at all.

Next week there will be a lot of focus on saying “Thank you”. The generic emails have already begun to fill my inbox. And, while there is so much to be thankful for, the second part is really key. Who are you thanking? And for what?

At this time, I would like to tell you who and for what.

Thank you, Matt Vaughan, for supporting me in every way.

Thank you, Chuck Villard, for all the work you did to get this blog site up and running.

Thank you, John Bergquist, for the encouragement and support.

Thank you, Lisa Tuttle, for the friendship and laughter.

Thank you, Jan Lewis, for your faithful insights and heart.

Thank you, Crystal Liles, for the incredible graphic art support on short notice.

Thank you, Jack Lynady, for the fresh insights.

When I sit down to write it’s because each of these people has encouraged me to share what’s on my heart and mind.

Who do you want to say “Thank you” to? Make it personal. Let those who matter know. Strengthen the connection.

“Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.”

The gift giver

September 25, 2011 in Re-creation, Relation Ships with 2 Comments

Lana is a gift giver. I say that because she does it in so many forms. Her heart is filled with love and out of it comes mindfulness, prayer, and so much more. I first met her in person at Denny’s on the Vegas Strip where we laughed and cried over so many shared stories. I left that restaurant with so much because Lana at her core is a gift. One of my favorite Proverbs, 18:16 tells us “a gift opens the way and ushers the giver into the presence of the great.” and I am inspired to be giving in my own life by those that gift well. Seth Godin explores this concept in his book Linchpin and blogged about it in The hidden power of a gift. Recently Lana and her husband Matt sent our office a special gift, a money tree. As we unpacked it I could not help but think that they had much more in mind than just a plant. She knew that this package would continue to give both metaphorically and physically. Our company was established on solid values that place at the top human dignity, love for God, excellence in our work and art. I can only imagine as the tree grows, how we will continue to look at it and remember how fitting Lana’s gift is as well as those values. Lana is a very wealthy woman and it shows.

A few weeks ago I asked some of my blogger friends to guest blog for me. John said he would if I promised to post whatever he wrote. Since he is also on the Admin list for my site today he dropped this off. Since I promised to post it, here it is unedited and with tears flowing. Thanks, John.

Tiffany Gaskin

September 15, 2011 in Relation Ships with 0 Comments

Every now and then you run across someone who makes you think “I could be friends with her”. Tiffany is that girl. You”ll wish she lived down the street and could drop in for coffee more often. This mother of 4, with another on the way, is friendly, funny and inspiring just being herself and living the life God’s given her.

Building Walls

Many of my acquaintances do not know this, but I am a master mason. I excel at building walls. Brick by brick, stone by stone, I set myself up in a cozy tower of walls, built for one. But being alone surrounded by a staggering height of stones can become claustrophobic. It can be stifling. They are much harder to tear down than to build, yet I continually build them up just to destroy them later.

That is where I am at right now…in the demolition process. I hate tearing down walls. It is a messy and dusty business. Of course, it is my own fault for building them to begin with. That is my one major vice: wall construction. Some of you may understand how easy it is for a wall to go up. For others, I will try to explain.

The evolution of the wall begins where everyone starts-on a foundation. The foundation can be different per person or even per wall. Some are built on sinking sand and tumble sooner than others, or they may be stacked high on a rock solid surface. I am afraid most of mine settle on the rock, a loathsome material I have been carrying around all my life called self-reliance or even selfishness. Yes, there it is, I said it. I admitted it. I am a selfish person. I have this part of me (the hermit part) that enjoys solitude so I shut myself off to the world. I dodge calls, skip replying to emails, and hide from my neighbors. This isn’t just some much needed downtime. My break from society starts as a single snowflake of a missed email and turns into an avalanche of months of not wanting to be around people. It is disgusting, I know. It is a nasty habit that goes against what I stand for as a Christian. It is something I battle on a daily basis. Brick by brick.

The current wall I am tearing down reached a staggering height, acquiring stones and mortar over the span of eight months or more. It began with our abrupt move to Ohio. I frantically scrambled for bricks in a need to protect myself against this sudden change. I had to protect my heart which, as those closest to me know, can be very tender when exposed. I had to secure my need for the familiar which only seemed to be my own self at the time. So as each day passed, I laid another brick on the wall. Another excuse to not talk to my neighbor. Another reason to just say a platitude and move on to those at church or even in my family. Another moment of feeling resentment, being neglectful, and harboring fear. Another day when I slowly turned from seeking God’s word and truth to seek out my own. Foolish, I know.

A few weeks ago I was overwhelmed by a sudden sense of loss and loneliness. I was alone. My only company was the hard, cold stone surrounding my now withered heart. Having blocked out most of the light, what else could my heart do but shrivel up? I was killing myself under the weight of my own protection. I carried around a burdensome weight in my chest. Know the feeling? The despair of experiencing those walls closing in around you? The worst part was that I had put them there. It is a bad habit of mine and I should have recognized the signs immediately and took action to prevent it. But a part of me reasoned that I needed familiarity and comfort in that tumultuous change. So, like a fool, I allowed myself to be cornered.

The most tedious part of any construction job is demolition. The removal of the old, rotten parts is never something to be taken lightly. It involves too many upheavals….and emotions. Cutting away the dead flesh never feels good. So, as I endeavor to break out of the tower for one, I find myself growing weary. The only thing that is keeping me going, keeping me energized is the small light I see at the top of the wall. The light of the Spirit. The light of Christ. He is the only who can tear down these walls. I am willing and He has been ready. The process will be long and will take much effort on my part. My need for air, love, and the light of God will keep me motivated to demolish the brick and mortar from my life. I am praying that I will soon retire from being a master mason.

Because Of You….

August 17, 2011 in Relation Ships with 2 Comments

This morning I am considering some of the things I do and why I do them. Most of them I am realizing are because of someone’s influence in my life. So I started making a list of the things I do and who got me doing them. See if you find your influence in the list.

Because of You I…

believe in happily ever after.
watch anime.
eat Ft. Point Pizza.
use Standard Theme for WordPress.
keep trying to learn to knit.
pray when I fold towels.
use Butter of London nail polish.
make homemade pasta.
keep growing African Violets.
ask questions.
recycle.
read.
check Facebook frequently.
put my garbage cans out early.
listen for the mailman.
hang my plants up high.
sit in the van and wait.
never stray to far from the sidewalk.
have great memories and high hopes.

And this one, dear reader, is easy. Because of you I am encouraged to keep writing.

A Big Hole

August 6, 2011 in Relation Ships with 0 Comments

Last night as we were coming home from the airport, traffic on the other side of the freeway was almost at a standstill from being forced from four lanes into one due to resurfacing the road. Normally at that time of night on a Friday traffic is moving freely and those who were not aware of the roadwork being done found themselves unexpectedly delayed. Cal Trans, the department responsible for road maintenance in California, had planned ahead, posted notices, scheduled men and machinery and were intent on peeling the top 5 or 6 inches off Highway 87 and replacing it with new paving. They didn’t do it just to annoy people, although I am pretty sure in the 5 mile back up there were some annoyed people. They didn’t do it because they had nothing better to do than upset traffic. They did it because it needed to be done. I did the math and removing just 6 inchs of top pavement created a hole equivalent to just over 19,000 TONS. A shallow hole but the impact was huge.

This morning I attended the memorial service for my real estate agent. I know, who is that close to their real estate agent, right? This particular woman I actually met almost 6 years ago. My daughter and her son were in the same class in the second grade. The school our kids went too was very heavy on parent participation and I got to know Melissa working with her. She always had a smile and was genuinely glad to see you. There are a rare few people who have the ability to make you feel like you are the only person they see. Melissa could make everyone in a crowded room feel seen. At the end of second grade our interaction came to an end but when it was time to list a property we wanted to sell I thought of her. For the next 3 years we had the property listed off and on without success. Melissa did everything she knew but the timing just wasn’t right with the market the way it was. Melissa never gave up.

Then two years ago she let us know she would be having some help with her listings because she had been diagnosed with cancer. We began praying for her. We took her to one of her chemo treatments. We took her homemade chicken noodle soup. We read her blog and we waited. The chemo was working and she was beating the cancer. Then last year it accelerated and spread to her brain. Subsequent treatments were aggressive and she fought hard. A week ago Wednesday she had her last chemo treatment, went home and fell asleep. She woke up in heaven on Saturday morning.
Today more than 500 people came together. Most had other places they could have or should have been this morning. Moving around the aisle of the church was slow and people waited to sign the guest book, offered their condolences and stood around looking at strangers wondering what to do or what to say. What we all felt was the huge hole. What brought us together, what touched each heart and life was missing.

Home now reflecting on why I went and wondering where all the others went after the memorial I can’t help think about the hole I will leave one day. Is my life a pot hole that just needs a shovel of asphalt to fill in or will I back up traffic for miles? For Melissa’s husband and children the Grand Canyon opened last Saturday and there is no filling it. Melissa left a hole in my life. I need a new real estate agent for one. But more than that, a loving graceful woman is gone and I will miss her. I wonder…who will miss me. Who will miss you, dear reader?

May you live well, love abundantly and leave a really, really big hole.

Melissa Matheson