Do you have a dress?
This weekend a precious friend married her prince charming. The wedding was about as perfect as a wedding could be. The sun was shining for the outdoor wedding at the country club golf course. The 7 children under the age of 5 in the processional were cute but not too cute. The harpist was brilliant. The butterflies flew off as the groom kissed the bride and they are well on their way to happily ever after.
A few years ago I was meeting with another woman every week for coffee. She wanted my advice and support. She said she wanted her marriage to be better. I gave her my best advice and told her to find a dress because if they were going to find their way back to each other and renew their vows as she wanted she was going to need a dress.
For the next 6 months we met each week and I’d ask her how she was doing finding a dress. For 4 months she gave me excused and kept asking for ways to change her husband’s attitude or behavior or trying to convince me that her re-actions were justified because of his actions. The last 2 months I listened to her weep over how terrible he was and how everything she was doing wasn’t working. She took none of my advice, never owned her part of anything and never even looked for the dress.
One woman bought a dress. The other did not. One woman made decisions and took action to celebrate the commitment to love, honor and respect. The other made excuses and her actions undermined the very love she so desperately wanted.
Every day we are faced with the choice to build up or tear down those we love. Our decisions create the life we live. So my question is….Do you have a dress?