Lana Vaughan

The Queen of Questions

I Don’t Want It All

I have an arm full of cloths on hangers that I keep moving around.

They were hanging in a storage unit in the garage for several years. But earlier this year we moved that cabinet and added a shelving unit. I took the clothes out while the re-org was going on and the space they had occupied for a long time was back filled with a popup tent and stadium chairs. The pile was left on the chair in the living room for a couple of weeks.

Then we were having company over and the pile got scooped up and put on our bed. After the company was gone, it was re-scooped and moved to the couch in the living room. (As you might guess, we don’t use our living room much these days.)

Over the weekend, my favorite teen had a crafting party for her English class Ren Faire group. The pile made the brief journey back to our bed only to return to the living room at the end of the day resting in the rocking chair.

Walking past it this morning , I was keenly aware of how that pile was getting a lot of movement but no resting place. None of the items has been worn in a long time. A few are sentimental pieces. I’m not sure why the rest are still here. As I stood looking at sweaters that I will never wear again it occurred to me that they really weren’t mine at all. They aren’t my style any more. They aren’t my size. They aren’t reflective of who I am at this stage of my life. They aren’t mine. It’s time they move along and find their true owner.

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At one time each of these things were something I choose to bring into my life and my home. Each day they have remained has been by my choice. It will take my decision and my action to send them on their way. Once I set them free I will no longer be moving them back and forth from one inconvenient temporary place to another. They will have no more of my time or attention. Considering the small sense of freedom that offers I wonder what else it’s time to send out into the world. I wonder what else I’ve been moving from one place to another without truly dealing with it once and for all.

I don’t want things that don’t belong to me. I don’t want clothes in my closet or books on my shelf or anything else that just isn’t me anymore. As I pull things out and stuff them into bags to take to Goodwill I find my heart and beliefs need a good spring cleaning as well. Just as seasons and styles change, I’ve changed on the inside. Things I held tightly to in years gone by no longer serve my heart.  Not that my values have changed much but my understanding has. Not that my faith has changed but my spirit has. Not that I desire less but that I desire better.

There is so much in the world. So much good. But I don’t want it all. I just want what I need for this chapter of my story.

(Anybody need some sweaters?)

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