Lana Vaughan

The Queen of Questions

Not the Boss of ME….

That little playground response when someone tried to tell me what to do. It was quick on my tongue and my tongue usually followed it out of my mouth. Even at an early age, I knew who did or did not have authority over me. I was fortunate to have a sense of self determination and an understanding that all authority in my life was permissive not totalitarian. I have been free to choose. I have never been free from the consequences of my choices but I have been free to choose.

Today I chose to sleep until I naturally woke up. My favorite person in the whole wide world respects my need for sleep and graciously does not intrude on the hours I close my eyes and snore.

Today I chose to get dressed without taking a shower first. Probably a choice I will regret later in the day but one that is easily rectified with a little hot water and soap. Now that I think about it, that really sounds good and will probably be next on my to do list after I post this.

Today I chose to write before reading, to drink coffee and skip breakfast, to focus on the work that inspires and excites me…in short…to be the boss of me!

There are other days when I choose not to be the boss of me. I let hours go by blown in the wind of social media or movies I’ve watched a dozen times or aimlessly lost to who knows what. Those are the days I don’t show up for myself. I don’t stick out my tongue to the world and make the proclamation that the world doesn’t dictate my direction. At the end of those days, there is a sadness in my spirit that I missed opportunities to make those moments and hours richer and more meaningful, if to no one else but myself.

Everyday, we each make about a million choices. Some matter. Most really don’t. But we make them. Each one changes the course of our day, our week, our lives just a little. Something as simple as skipping breakfast, could make a huge difference if you are in a car accident on the way to work and need emergency surgery. Just ask an anesthesiologist or surgeon. Picking up the phone to call a friend….letting someone go ahead of you through a door…reading before deciding…thinking before speaking…turning something off or turning something on….decision after decision…all your’s to make. All mine to make.

Today I’ve decided to show up for me. To do the things I know I need to do to feel the way I have decided to feel, to accomplish the things I have decided to accomplish, to be the person I have decided I want to be.

After all…I’m the boss of me.

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