Lana Vaughan

The Queen of Questions

Broken Agreement

Today after church Matt and I sat having brunch with our daughter. We were discussing the message we had heard this morning. It was good but not really memorable. The one thing that stood out was that the pastor was talking about kindness being an action not an emotion. At one point in the message he shared about our youth pastor and his wife’s new baby. She is about two weeks old and has already had open heart surgery. Our pastor shared that this young family was under financial as well as emotional strain and encouraged the congregation to drop them a note and maybe include some help. I reached for my purse expecting him to take an offering for them on the spot. After all the message was on the Good Samaritan and meeting needs when you come upon them. But he didn’t take an offering so I put my purse back down on the floor and picked up my coffee. The moment passed.

After church I told my husband I thought the pastor dropped the ball. When he made the need known about the youth pastor I thought of a story Matt told me about the men at Promise Keepers in San Jose a few days after 9/11. The pastor of the small church near the World Trade Center told what his congregation was doing and said they could use some help. When a need was made known the Spirit moved the men to come forward in mass to help. At one point there were so many men trying to get to the front to add their financial support that the men coming back couldn’t move and men just started throwing money on the stage.

Today, when I heard the need of our own youth pastor my heart responded at once but I let the moment pass. The pastor hadn’t dropped the ball. I had. Matt told me next time I felt the Spirit nudge me to hand him the money and he’d take it from there. (I love this man very much)

Then I told him I had something the Spirit had been pressing on my heart for the past few weeks that I needed to take care of. Last year we were in a small store in Santa Cruz. It was a quiet evening and we were just window shopping after dinner. I saw these beautiful hand crafted leather journals. Handmade paper, hand tooled leather cover, and hand bound. Not cheap. Matt said “why don’t you get one?” I told him “Nothing I write is worth putting in a book that expensive.” An agreement was made. For my birthday last year, Matt and our daughter rode his motorcycle over the hill to Santa Cruz to get one of those books. Matt spent hours printing photos and writing our love story in that book. He gave it to me on my birthday. I love it. But…
The agreement was still there. Until today.

A few weeks ago I got my blog site up and have posted a couple of times. But the whispers “no one will read this”, “you don’t have anything to say”, “your words have no power, no value” kept circling. Then the agreement about the journal came back to my mind. I knew it needed to be broken. Today we went back to Santa Cruz. I stood right where I had stood more than a year ago. Today I took back the power of my words. I broke the agreement and chose one of those journals. My life is handmade. Each design and line on my cover was put there by design. The pages are waiting to hold all that God has given me. He has entrusted me with His love, His wisdom and this is our story. And maybe no one will ever read it but I know He will.

For Him, today, my pen is mightier than the sword.

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3 Replies

  1. I am so glad that you broke that agreement b/c your voice and your writing does matter and has been a blessing for me to read! Keep up the good work with the blog Lana!And I encourage you to still drop that note with the check off to the youth pastor…if you haven’t. : )My heart goes out to them. I also need to act on these types of heart nudges from God.

  2. Good job. Seriously. Because the power of what you believe–or don’t believe–has the ability to manifest things.I bet that journal is beautiful.

  3. Beautiful my friend, absolutely beautiful……And yes, your heart matters, really matters.I do understand once again. When my hard drive crashed over a year ago taking 30 devotionals with it, I had the same battle. I realized that I was believing that my heart didn’t matter. And you know what Papa’s been up to after that.I read your blog!!!I love your heart!!!

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