Lana Vaughan

The Queen of Questions

Un-Dying to Self

The past week a very strange battle has been taking place in my life. (Cut to the end of the story for those who don’t have time to sit through the whole movie.) Some serious and very old agreements have been brought to light and broken.

Last Friday I decided to use a color remover on my hair. I have been coloring my hair since I was 16 years old when I found a gray hair and decided that was not acceptable. The agreement was that I wasn’t ok the way I was, that God’s gentle plan to mature me didn’t fit the image I wanted, that I could cover up who God was molding me to be, that His plan could be changed by my will and a box of Miss Clarol. Shame crept in with the gray. Deception and maintaining that false image became routine. I became self conscience if I went too long without covering up the roots of truth that were so persistent.

Anyway, last week I just couldn’t let go of wondering just how much gray there was. After consulting with some of the wisest women I know, I took the plunge and un-colored. It wasn’t until I was upsidedown blow drying my hair and wondering what I would see when it was dry that I was hit with how deep an issue this was for me. I had never seen the agreements before. I had been concerned about the damage I might be doing to my hair by coloring it for more than 30 years but had never seen the damage I was doing to my heart. Maybe looking at life upside down has its way of changing perspective, I don’t know.

Any way now, I can tell you. I love the way my hair turned out. No, I wasn’t able to get all the color out. It will take time just like processing the truths that were set free. But I am excited to let the beauty of God shine through, no matter what color it takes.

“And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered” Matt 10:30
And He knows what color they really are….

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One Reply

  1. Friend, you know I understand… When I turned 50 I decided to own my crown of splendor. I had NO idea how much gray was under the hair color, but it was time to enter in and embrace who I was instead o trying to cover it up. I knew it was more than just about my hair color. It was another step towards loving myself just as I am.Boy was I surprised to see what was under the color….but I am learning to love this “highlighting job of Papa’s….I can’t wait to see YOUR crown of splendor!!Love you,Julie

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